Confessions

I confess. Sometimes...I dream that I'm eating a juicy hot dog in a nice white bun with ketchup and mustard dripping out the sides. Or maybe a gooey s'more, the marshmallow oozing out of the graham cracker and just the perfect amount of chocolate. Sometimes it's three scoops of ice cream on a big, fat cone. (Sidenote: For those who may not know, these are all things I can't/don't eat anymore. When I was sick the doctors changed my diet and took out pretty much anything that's fun).

I confess. Sometimes...I get distrac---

Sometimes...I like to go into the luggage section of a department store just to breathe in the scent of the suitcases. All of that synthetic fabric and plastic smells like adventure. It reminds me of sitting in our living room with clothes and supplies strewn everywhere trying to fit everything in just perfectly, and of pushing and dragging over 100 pounds worth of supplies through the airport, ready to fly away on a new adventure somewhere outside of where I am now.

I confess. Sometimes...when I'm in town on a Tuesday and I get stuck behind a Sunday driver going so slow I could get out of my car and walk to my destination faster, I want to sigh heavily and go around them while I give them that "learn how to drive" look.

I confess. So often in life I want what I can't have. I want to be somewhere else. I'm impatient, and I get distracted.

Have you ever come to a point in your prayer life where you're trying to get everything off your chest and really come to God with everything, but then you find yourself in an ugly place where suddenly your requests sound more like demands? And instead of a child coming to the Father to share your heart you start sounding more like Veruca Salt from the Willy Wonka movie. You know the one. She was a bad egg. She didn't just want everything she wanted it noooooww!

Recently, the Lord has brought me to a new level of uncertainty in my life. I'm one of those people who like to have a plan. I like to know where I'm headed and how I'm going to get there. But I've recently found myself at a point in my life where I'm not really sure what's going to happen next. And that's a little scary. So every now and then I find myself in a place where I'm wanting so badly what I can't have yet, wanting to be at another time in my life than where I am now, and getting impatient while I wait for God's promises for my life to be fulfilled.

That's where the distraction comes in, because all of these things lead me to become distracted from what God has for me right now. The here and now might not look pretty at the time, but God doesn't bring us to these points in our lives without a purpose for them. And it's especially important in these times to keep focused on Him.

God isn't concerned about where we're headed or how we're going to get there. He already knows what He's going to do in our lives. He's most concerned about our relationship with Him, and He uses these times when life isn't quite what we thought it would be to cause us to rely on Him more so that when we finally get to those fulfilled promises, we will be the servants He wants us to be.

I confess that there are days when I want to rush through life, but never at the expense of missing out on living my life. If we could put half as much energy into living our lives for today as we do wishing we could rush past tomorrow imagine how the world would be. Suddenly we would have time to stop and show love to someone who needs it.

God will fulfill his promises in due time. Our job now is to live in the moment. To live for today.

- Aly