Writing is my release. It helps me process what's going on in the world, in my life, and in my heart. So I hope you'll bear with me tonight as I process...
Today I've felt overwhelmed. It's been a rough day physically for me. Though I'm steadily improving, every so often a bad day will sneak its way in. Sometimes it's from reintroducing a new food into my diet too quickly (my body is very sensitive to changes in my diet right now). Sometimes it's from trying to do too much the day before. And sometimes it's as if it was just bound to be a day of achiness.
If I'm being completely honest, there are days that I wonder how I will do in Uganda. Actually, I should rephrase that. Some days I worry. How will I keep up? Will I be able to minister to my fullest potential? Will I end up being a hindrance to the ministry because of my physical limitations?
I realized tonight that, unlike the worries other people have about my return, mine have nothing to do with my physical surroundings. I don't worry about the conditions because I know what to expect and can plan ahead. I don't worry about getting sick because I'm already sick. My worries lie in the ministry aspect of the trip.
But although my body is weak, my spirit is as strong as ever. I recently put a plaque up in our kitchen. It says: Faith - Hope - Love. It serves as a reminder. Weeks ago I wrote in my trip journal that these three things (which come from the verse in 1 Corinthians 13:13) are the driving force of this trip. I feel that God is calling us to step out in faith to share the hope of the Gospel and God's love for every person.
Sometimes I think people get the impression that because we've gone on these trips before and since we feel God leading us to go again that we just sort of join hands and skip off to Uganda every summer. But it's a process, and each year it seems that God seeks to stretch us a little farther. He asks us to rely on Him a little more, trust Him a little more, and take a bigger step of faith. Some days that is easy, but more often than not it's very difficult. Is it rewarding? Of course!
But the thing about true and genuine faith is that it often requires elements of the unknown, and that can be unnerving at times. 1 Peter 1 says that even though we face trials on this earth, we have reason for great joy if we keep trusting God because we have an indestructible reward waiting for us: our salvation. That's the hope I want to others to know. I believe God has a message for me (for all of us) to share, and He'll give me the strength to share it.
So how will I make it for 4 weeks of ministry in Uganda? The same way I made it through the last 9 months: taking it day by day.