We've adopted a number system to help describe the way I feel. It's a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the absolute worse I've ever felt in my life and 1o being the best. For quite some time I was hovering around a 2 or 3. These were the days I spent laying on the couch all day staring at the wall, getting up only to eat or use the bathroom.
As time went on I started to inch up the scale. In January, I was at about a 4 or 5 and started to swim at a local indoor pool twice a week. This helped me gain my strength, but still my very best days were around a 5. It stayed like this for a long time, until I started seeing this new doctor in May.
As I began treatments, changed my diet (which I can no longer call a diet, but is now a lifestyle), and started taking massive amounts of vitamins, there were days that I could get up as high as a 6 or 7. I still had days when I was much lower than that, but it felt good to feel good again.
With this warm weather, I've tasted the wonder that is an 8. That's 80%! I hardly ache at all. I was taking 3 ibuprofen 3 times a day, and all week I've been able to skip my afternoon dose and I don't even realize it until evening comes.
But feeling better without being fully healed also comes with its downfalls. I maybe, sort of, sometimes, tend to over do things. And I guess that maybe it's possible that at times I eat something I shouldn't.
And then I pay for it. Like, let's just say hypothetically that today was my grandfather's birthday. And because I love him so much, I decided to eat a small scoop of ice cream in his honor (which we all know that, like pizza, it is not a food I would ever give in and eat because I know it won't sit well with me). But let's just say I had some. Then right now I'd be feeling about as restless as a hamster at midnight.
I'm kind of an all or nothing type of girl. I'm either all in, or completely out. I either put all I have into something or don't bother to do it at all. So as we get ready for this trip, I know that if I'm going to make it through that I'll need to slow it down a bit and not feel like I need to do everything all at once - which is so easy for me to say but not quite as easy to actually do.
It just feels so good to feel this good!!
I love it. I'm praising God for bringing me to this point. I might not be fully healed at a number 10, but I still have life and a purpose in Him.
But even if hypothetically I did eat some ice cream tonight which would hypothetically make me more fidgety than a hyperactive child on Redbull, I would still be praising God because hypothetically:
I got to eat some ice cream...