I wrote this in my journal last year around this time:
I am stressed out and frazzled. I do not have it all together at this moment. My priorities are not where they should be and thus, I am stressed. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts and that's all I can think about because I'm stressed! I just wanted to write that so next year when the computer won't work, my to do list is piling up, and I'm hating the goodbyes, I'll remember that it's part of the process, part of the trip.
It was such a relief to read that tonight and to remember that this is kind of a normal part of the process of getting ready.
There are always so many emotions that go with leaving for Uganda. I'm so beyond excited to go, yet there are still some nerves, and I'm sad to leave my family and friends here, but so happy to go see my family and friends there. And it leaves me feeling my heart swell with joy as my stomach gets butterflies and my eyes tear up. It's like frazzled excitement filled with joy and nerves wrapped in tears of happiness. It's what I like to refer to as Ugandamania and if you haven't already figured it out...it's messed up. Those of you reading who have done missions work before may know what I'm talking about (if you do, please let me know so I don't feel like such an insane person).
But this morning when I woke up I realized that in 4 weeks, this will all be a memory. It will be a bunch of amazing stories to tell, and that's really sad to me. Because despite all the work and energy that goes into preparing for leaving, I absolutely love being there. I know I've joked a lot on this blog about some of the crazy things we've encountered along the way. But if you ask me what the worst part about going to Uganda is, I wouldn't say the food, or the bats pooping on my pillow, or bathing in a spigot where the water turns off randomly. I would tell you it's leaving.
Uganda is a second home to me, and to my family. We received an email from Reuben today and he said they are eagerly awaiting our homecoming.
Our homecoming. We're going home.
So over the next few weeks while in Uganda, when we refer to home we will be talking about the guest house we're staying at in Kampala. We'll refer to "home" here in NY as "Back in NY" or "Back in the States." We've done this every year. It just seems to fit, because while we're there, we're home. (Have I used the work home enough in the last few paragraphs?!)
I think writing this blog post has cured me of my Ugandamania tonight. I said before that I process things through writing and I've gone from tightly wound to completely relaxed while writing this. I was able to put it into perspective for myself. Things might feel crazy right now, but soon it will be over. I want to enjoy and cherish every minute of this trip because for so long I didn't think it would happen.
And honestly, I can't wait to go home.